Things are getting better and better

The past few months have been challenging and busy. Writing updates has been a little low on my priority list – an issue I hope to remedy as of this week. During the early part of the year Kylie and I have faced what seems like some of the most difficult experiences we’ve previously encountered. I’m pleased to say that we seem to be moving beyond that now, and things are improving almost daily.

In August last year I chose not to pursue further work at the University. My contract had expired and my efforts at negotiating fewer hours had not worked out. They wanted me on board at least four days a week or they would award the contract to someone else. Given my business goals that wasn’t going to work, and after prayer and thoughtful pondering I let go of the University work. They continued to employ me casually until December (after not awarding my contract to anyone else at all), and I slowly eased my hours back so that in December I was finished. And during the time that my hours were dropping at University, I attempted to figure out how to build my business.

From January to March I essentially had zero income. A writing contract was made semi-permanent which improved things, although $300 per week is hardly enough to put fuel in my car, let alone pay the mortgage and feed the family. Nevertheless, we were grateful for it. Then a training opportunity arose, and another, and another. Lots of avenues opened up. Some led to dead ends. Others led to work and income – and the opportunity to influence others.

Just over two weeks ago the sprinkling of blessings became a deluge. Two awesome bookings came through in the one day. First, I got a call from a PR company that looks after DVD releases for 20^th Century Fox. They want me to do media interviews for a new movie about grandparents looking after their grandkids. And they’re paying me to do it!

The second booking was even better! The people I have a writing contract with have taken on a commercial client who wishes for me to provide eight articles per month for a campaign they’re running. The articles are all about parenting. And the pay, in addition to what I’m already receiving, is almost enough to entirely provide for our family! We feel so grateful. I almost wept when I received the call. And I’m excited because if things go well there is already discussion that the contract will be renewed for a total of three years!

In addition, more training avenues are opening up which I’m presently exploring. Two organisations have asked for proposals and I’m awaiting their responses. I’m applying to get NSW Teacher Institute endorsement to run courses for teachers for their professional development (which is great because if they have to complete those hours, they’re almost a captive audience!), and I’m dipping my toe into other training opportunities. I still appear on The Project regularly, although things have gone a little quiet with the TODAY show. But I’m getting plenty of media, and am delighted with the ongoing opportunities coming my way.

I love my work. Building a business is challenging for me. I really still have no idea what I’m doing and feel as though I’m just muddling through. But Heaven’s grace has definitely been on me, and I feel blessed and amazed at the work I get to do each day.

In relation to family, we feel incredibly fortunate. Our girls are amazing, and our family is strong. 

Chanel is growing so fast now. With only 6 months until she turns 14, Chanel is nearly as tall as me. She consistently pushes boundaries, but does more than her fair share around the house and is a beautiful big sister, particularly to the two little ones. She is funny, articulate, and in love with too many things that all the other teen girls love. We wish pop-culture wasn’t so influential. But her heart is good. She has a great deal of love and empathy for others. And she loves her family, and especially her grandparents. Chanel is now excelling at the piano – she really loves it and we have to force her to stop playing, especially when chores need to be done. And she recently begged to go back to swimming lessons. She swims in squad a couple of times each week and is a little fish. We call her ‘Excep – Chanel’ (exceptional).

Abbie is getting close to 11 years now. She has a wonderful laugh that is authentic and full of life. Abbie’s smile is infectious and we see it a lot. We are told that she is one of the best students in her grade at school (year 5) and we cannot get her nose out of books. Abbie is soft, thoughtful, and remarkably dedicated to everything she does. She is transparent too, which we love. Abbie started playing the clarinet recently after deciding she didn’t want to be like her sisters. Her abilities are improving all the time and we love hearing her play – although we seem to be buying new reeds every second week! Abbie is also swimming and seems to be really getting the hang of it. We call her Fabulous Abulous. And she is fabulous.

Ella turned 9 in January. She is a pocket rocket – a real little dynamo. Ella has more energy than we can contain. She loves to race around the neighbourhood on her bike, and after several years of difficulty in social circles, Ella has made a couple of really good friends around our nearby streets. They play for hours on end. She spends her time teaching them how to play the guitar – Ella returned to lessons recently after assuring us that we would never have to hassle her to practise again, and so far she’s made good on her word. Her guitar playing is actually getting better than mine (although mine was a pretty low standard). Ella is a book worm as well, and swings from going a million miles an hour to having her head in a book on a regular basis. She keeps us on our toes. Her teachers assure us she’s a genius, but her emotional regulation still provides all of us with challenges. We call Ella “for she’s a jolly good Ella” – and she is.

Annie is our delight. She turns 6 in a few months, and started school this year. She is going well, although her soft heart has been hurt a few times by some of her peers who have teased her for the way she talks. We are resolving those issues through some speech therapy and through conversations with the school. It is terribly challenging to see our baby girl hurt by others’ taunts. But Annie is loved and she knows it. She recently was diagnosed with eyesight issues and now wears glasses, which was quite a shock for us. But she loves the glasses and wears them as a status symbol! We’re working on a nickname for Annie. It has to be cute though… last week she called out to Kylie and assured her, “Mummy, I’ll never ever run out of kisses for you.” She melts our hearts.

Lilli turned three years old last week! We cannot believe that our precious baby is so big now. She is a non-stop talker, she is assertive, and she is possibly the cutest little girl who ever was born. Lilli loves hugs, loves sleeping in bed with her big sisters, and loves to say “hate”. She cracks us up with her ‘hate’ talk, although we don’t like to encourage it. But she’ll say “hate that” as soon as she has had enough of something. She’ll talk on the phone to someone she loves but when she’s had enough she’ll say “hate that person” and hand me the phone. She’ll eat her sandwich and with two bites to go she’ll say “hate sandwich” and give it back. So funny.

Kylie is the best thing in my life. We are trying to spend more time together, and have recently begun reading to one another each night once the kids are in bed. We are really excited that mum and dad have agreed to watch our children for five days this week so Kylie and I can have a holiday. It will actually be the first proper holiday that we have had in 15 years – and the first time we’ve gone away without the children. We’re nervous about leaving the kids, and we wish we could share the experience with them, but we’re even more excited about getting time to be together. Kylie spends her days serving our family and serving others. She is consistently impressing me with her goodness.

At church Kylie is still the Relief Society president and I’m the Stake Sunday School president. We are busy with church but both wish we could find the time to do more.

In other general news, we are finally finished renovating our home. We have a few small jobs to do but nothing much of any major substance. We feel so glad to be finished with it, after three years of having no carpet or walls or stairs, or whatever. I’ve recently begun work on landscape preparations. We have lots of work to do outside now that inside is done!

I’m riding my bike several mornings each week and delight in pushing myself to my limits. My form is a bit off though after being sick a month ago and then spraining my ankle while I was running. Eww. And I think that this brings us back up to date. It’s my intention to be more consistent in writing than I have been in recent times… fingers crossed.

Receiving Answers to Prayer

“Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.”
― Jeffrey R. Holland

If we were to substitute ‘answers to prayer’ with the word ‘blessings’, then the quote above is the perfect description of the way my prayers have been answered in recent weeks.  

In early November I received a call from LDS Church Offices about a position available with LDS Family Services. I spent 20 minutes on the phone explaining why I wasn’t the appropriate candidate for the position and suggesting ways that they might find a suitable candidate, or ways the role might be crafted to be better-managed in future. I thought that was to be the end of it.

A few weeks later I received another call, this time from NZ LDS Family Services. An hour-long conversation ended with me feeling frustrated that they still wanted me to apply for the role as Director of LDS Family Services Sydney in spite of my obvious lack of suitable credentials. I reluctantly agreed to an interview.

One week after the phone call I had an informal conversation with the same NZ gentleman. I spent an hour and a half convincing him that I was not a suitable candidate for the role. He spent the same time arguing that I ought to apply for the role. I agreed to apply, wondering if that was what the Lord had in store for me. I also began praying for direction. Heaven was silent.

As my prayers increased in their intensity I was invited to Church Offices for a formal interview with a 5-member panel including Australia’s Church Offices General Manger, the HR Manager, the LDS Family Services Global Director (based in Utah), and a NZ bloke I don’t recall. So it was pretty big stuff for a guy who was uninterested and unqualified.

Over the course of a little more than a month I had gone from not wanting the job and not being willing to apply to wondering if it was the Lord’s will that I apply and accept a position that Family Services had pled with me to apply for. I was convinced the job was mine and I needed Heaven’s help in making a determination as to whether I should accept it. The offer was for a reasonable sum of money – certainly more than I’ve ever previously earned. The job would provide me with training and experience that I can’t get elsewhere. And the security of a real job with income, holidays, sick leave, and so on was appealing.

I found that I was able to talk myself into wanting the job if I focused on the positives. But there were many negatives. We would have to relocate to Sydney. We would need to give up on my business dreams. The role would not allow me to grow in the directions I’ve felt previously called to go, but would take my in a seemingly tangential direction.

The challenge of not knowing how to build my own business combined with the security of a job had me begging for answers from Heavenly Father in my prayers. No answers came.

I went through the interview and did the best I could. I didn’t do well. Someone as inappropriately qualified as me couldn’t have done well in the interview. Yet I was still convinced the role would be offered to me and I didn’t know what to do. “Father, should I take the job?” Nothing.

Some days after I was to have been told whether I was successful or not, I was praying when I received inspiration. “Justin, you’ll know when you need to know.” It wasn’t a voice, but it was a thought. Clear and concise. I felt immediately reassured.

A few hours later the phone rang. The HR manager apologetically confirmed that I was an unsuccessful applicant. Kylie was with me and heard the conversation. I was overjoyed. I felt pure delight and gratitude. Until that moment I hadn’t known what I should do. Then the real revelation came.

I hadn’t received an answer previously because I had no decision to make. I still had no decision to make – I didn’t get the job – but my prayer was answered. I knew, immediately, when I was rejected for the role that it was God’s will. I felt it in the depths of my soul. It was unquestionable and unmistakable. God didn’t want me to work for the Church in that role. He does want me to continue along the path I’ve been following the past decade.

I wanted to write about this answer to prayer because it can be too easy to forget the spiritual assurances that come from Heaven, and this one was so clear that I always want to remember it.

So, where to from here? Well, I left my role at the University of Wollongong in July 2012 and worked part time until December. Now I’m on my own, working to develop a business that will utilise my strengths and passions, and take my family and I forward in a way that blesses others and helps families. I have a lot of enthusiasm, something of a plan, enormous support from a lot of people, and some pretty handy qualifications. Oh, and most of all, I have a Heavenly endorsement to continue on this pathway – and that’s all that matters.

Catching up

The past six weeks have been busier than any I have possibly ever experienced. At the end of July I left my (almost) full-time employment with the University and began to work on my own business. It has been a challenging experience thus far.

My business revolves around my providing training and presentations to people – or it will once I start providing the training! My main emphasis is parenting training and personalised parenting coaching, but I’ve discovered quite quickly that this may not provide enough income for our family to survive on. While I’m running some wonderfully successful parenting workshops, they’re too small, too cheap, and too infrequent to earn a living. So now I’m developing a range of presentations to take into schools and corporations. I’m doing a lot of networking, going to a lot of meetings, and working on chasing all the best ideas I can.

In addition, my days are spent working on ideas for my website/s. The internet is the first place people go to learn about me and my online presence is not strong or professional enough, so changes are afoot here too – but the pace is slow and the price is high. Ouch.

So progress is slow but steady. The business is developing. People are interested in what I can offer – I just need to do more offering, which means I need to do more work on developing the offerings. I’m going as fast as I have strength, but there is a huge amount to be done.

My book went on sale in the first week of August. What Your Child Needs From You: Creating a Connected Family is now (I believe) on sale throughout Australia in all Dymocks bookstores. I’m getting some good quality publicity in the USA too, and I have been told we should sell out of our first print run. So I’m feeling pretty good about that! Unfortunately it’s not really a money-spinner. At a commission of $1.50 per book I’m going to have to sell a lot of them to get the kind of royalty cheque that would be sustaining.

During the three months of winter I’ve had a change of heart towards my church calling. I’ve been struggling with it and have been reluctant to participate in anything associated with it. But my attitude has shifted, my focus has lifted. Things are good and getting better at church.

I’ve stayed off the bicycle for most of winter. My emphasis on the business has been the central driver of that decision, although the cold weather has made staying indoors the more enticing option as well. In the past week or two, as Spring has ‘sprung’, I’ve ventured out again only to discover that the fitness base I had is substantially diminished. It’s hard work getting started again, but this week I’ll get three rides in at around 200km total and I can feel some improvement coming back. It’s nice to be on the bike in the warmer weather again.

I’m still working casually at the uni although I’d say another 4-6 weeks and that work will be entirely gone. I don’t think I’ll miss it. I still have to force myself to go in there. And this week I’m marking undergraduate essays which is possibly the most unenjoyable thing I’ve ever done. I am grateful for the work and the way it sustains us, but (so long as we can survive without it) I won’t miss it once it’s gone. Especially the marking. I guess the question is how long can I live without it once it’s gone?

IN the past six weeks our family has had the typical ups and downs of family life. The kids are generally great, although they are trying. On Thursday of this week Ella was almost hit by a car while riding her bike. Her knowledge of the road rules is good. Her application of that knowledge is lacking somewhat. At only 8 years of age, this has been a reminder that we need to be more vigilant than we have been.

Abbie participated in the regional spelling bee competition on Friday as her school’s representative after 

having successfully spelled all her words correctly at her school contest (as did Ella, but she’s too young to go to the next level). Abbie came second out of 40 students from 20 or more local schools. We were very excited to see how well she did.

Annie turned five a few weeks ago and is still delightful, although she has begun being harder to handle than she used to be, and “I hate you” is becoming an all-too-consistent part of her vocabulary towards her sisters. 

And Lilli is more delightful than ever. She is not quite two and a half years old now, has completely toilet-trained herself, and has just had three dry nights out of the past four! She loves to go to sleep cuddling her favourite books, and is simply cute beyond words. Each day she insists that if she is having a sleep, everyone who is in the house must lay down as well or she won’t. Her cuddles are honest and her smile is amazing.

And Chanel... well, Chanel is probably our most challenging child. We have high expectations of her, probably because she’s our eldest. But she gets more privileges, does more things, and has more opportunities than the other children. She tests us consistently, pushes us endlessly, and makes us proud 95% of the time. But that other 5%... wow. We’re working on things though, and think that things are definitely getting better.

Yesterday (Saturday) we got as close to ‘getting it right’ as we have in a long time. A couple of hours of cleaning, a trip to the beach with the kids, the boogie boards, and the dog, and a delicious lunch together made for a great morning. Then I spent four hours at the chapel clearing vines away, and we had a fun night together. I like days like that.

Today – Sunday. I really enjoy Sundays. Today was even more special because the children were in their Primary Presentation at church. It was our first year that Chanel wasn’t in it. She’s done seven, but is now too old. Felt a little strange, but the other kids were fantastic. We watch them with so much pleasure, satisfaction, and gratitude. Mum visited to see their presentation (and brought Jet and Teanu). And then, for the first time in as long as I can recall, we had a quiet Sunday afternoon. feel grateful for an amazing life.

Giving Nan her book

Reading my First Book to Nan

Showing Nan the 'dedication' - For Nanna Bunt

Reading the first page of the book to Nan

Pop, Mum, Nan, and Annie and I holding up the trophy!

Graduation Day Photos

Graduation Day, July 2012

 

 

Graduation

Wow. What a week! The pain of going to work at a job that leaves me unfulfilled is gone. Well, not altogether gone, but I’m finished my contract at work and I’ll only be doing casual work at around 10 hours per week from this point on. Not enough to live on... but I’ll worry about that later. Right now I’m looking to the future. But a quick summary of last week for you now.

Monday I groaned my way through another day at work. And again Tuesday. An email provided relief on Tuesday afternoon. The owners of a website I write for have been bought out by News Corp, one of the largest news providers on the PLANET! They run news.com.au and are looking to incorporate new parenting material on their website. Since the people I write for are now under the ‘News’ umbrella, they suggested me. It seems that they like what I offer and there may be opportunities forthcoming. I don’t know what yet, but it was exciting to hear about. Furthermore, they offered to buy all of my online content to populate their new site. The money was paltry, so we’re discussing it a little more. I’m hoping we’ll get a positive outcome, and look forward to more exciting opportunities at a nationwide level.

Wednesday provided some relief from the university office. I spent the day visiting web developers looking for ways to create an online presence that will help me generate income with my skills and products. The conversations were exciting. The quotes and discussions about money were dispiriting. I’m going to spend more than I want to. I have more conversations planned to find the best person to help me. Wednesday night I had a meeting at church to discuss ways I can be more effective in the role that I have. I was motivated, I made some changes, and now I’m hoping that things will improve.

Thursday was a great day for me. While my PhD was completed last September or October and my degree was conferred in January of this year, I had not attended a graduation ceremony. So on Thursday July 19, 2012, I visited the stage of the University of Wollongong in the robes and funny hat to experience the ceremonial component of my graduation. Mum and Dad came along. Kylie was feeling terribly sick with a cold. I told her to stay in bed, secretly wishing she would be there anyway... and she was. Kylie looked beautiful. We sat through 90 minutes of conferrals of degrees, and then I took my turn. For the first time, it felt complete. I have been a doctor for the best part of a year, but on Thursday afternoon at around 4pm I FELT like a doctor. I feel ready for the next stage of our lives.

Since 2003 when I left B105 and walked away from the radio industry I have been leaning on various people and things for support. I haven’t felt sure of anything except that I had a long road in front of me. I’ve felt like I’m not quite ‘there’ – wherever there is. In the days since my graduation ceremony I feel more purposeful. I feel more confident and hopeful. I feel certain. I have ‘a work’ to do. I know it and I am ready and motivated to do it. Perhaps that’s the key word. I am ready. I haven’t felt that since I was back in radio. But now I feel it. I feel ready. I like the feeling.

Friday was my final day in the office. I left with no regrets. While there were days where my productivity sagged, I persisted with a job that was a psychological struggle to the final day and did all that was asked of me. My boss assured me of his gratitude and asked me to please stay close by as there is plenty more work if I want it. I didn’t tell him I don’t want it... I hope I don’t need it, but I appreciate his kindness and his offer. It’s comforting to know it’s there if I need it.

I arrived home Friday afternoon and a surprise was waiting for me. My book had arrived from the publisher! It looks terrific and I’m genuinely delighted with it. I had a small handful of copies allocated to me at no charge. I immediately rang Nanna Bunt. I dedicated the book to her and wanted her to receive the first copy. I rang mum as well and she definitely wanted to be there for it. Kylie and I drove to Auburn and surprised Nan. She didn’t know that was why we were dropping in, and I think we gave her a great surprise.

Saturday we spent the day with our good friends from Canberra, the Thayers. They’re some of our favourite people. We talked most of the day while the children played. Sunday for the first time in a long time I relaxed and really enjoyed church. It was good to be there. The children were exceptional. Classes were inspiring. I left feeling uplifted. Sunday afternoon I visited several families from church, and Sunday night I attended a meeting an hour away in Campbelltown, so it was a full day. Now, as I prepare for a new start to the week I am full of anticipation. Our new lives begin as soon as I wake up!

Impatience

This update was commenced three weeks ago. Time got away and I’m only just finishing it now. So it starts with our Sunday night, June 3^rd and continues through until now.

I remember last week’s roast dinner and peach crumble all too well. Sunday night (June 3^rd) after I went to bed feeling that the world couldn’t be a better place – well, things began to turn sour. I awoke shortly after 1am and was as violently ill as I can remember being. I spent the entire first day of the week entombed in my bedroom, fasting and trying to recover from the bug that made me feel so bad.

Tuesday I forced myself to go to work, a particularly noble feat given my lack of enthusiasm for what I’m doing. I was miserable and should have stayed home.

Wednesday was the highlight of my week. I had two business meetings in Sydney. My first meeting led to a tentative proposal for me to add value to a business that specialises in happiness. They focus on individual and organisational happiness, but not on family happiness and wellbeing. I thought they might be interested in how I could make a difference. The meeting was positive, and now it’s time to see if we can agree on the finer points of an arrangement that will hopefully be good for both of us. I also met with someone who is highly successful at taking training programs to major organisations. After 30 minutes with me I realised just how much work is involved, got a great deal of direction, and began to question if that specific strategy is what I really want to be involved in. The money is substantial, but the business itself is less appealing to me.

Wednesday night after I returned from Sydney Kylie showed me how she had spent her day. Hours of careful attention with needle and thread have led to the creation of beautiful dolls, cushions, and bedroom accessories for the girls’ rooms. Kylie is slowly making our house into a personalised haven for our children. (And I’m starting to feel pressure to paint the place!)

Thursday I tried out my body by going for an early ride. My body was unhappy with me. I came home early and decided to have a little more rest before I get too active. Monday’s illness hit me harder than I thought. I spent another day at work dreaming of the parenting business I’m about to be running. My enthusiasm for the latter and my apathy toward the latter is a gulf too wide to describe. My heart and mind have already left the office despite the fact that my contract doesn’t end until late July.

Friday was quiet, with a family walk on the beach in the afternoon the clear highlight. The weekend was uneventful and less inspiring than I would have hoped.

The fortnight since that time has been a blur. Another couple of days off work due to “illness”... I think I’m sick of work! Some positives have included that I’ve done a handful of media interviews about various things parenting-related. I’ve ridden my bike a little more than I should have. And I’ve become increasingly frustrated with the time I spend at work that competes with my growing desire to be in business for myself. It’s a recurrent theme.

I’m now writing a LOT for various people who print magazines and blogs, both online and offline. It’s great for raising my profile but not so great when it comes to raising capital. I write for free. But I’m mixing with good company and I’m consistently making small but certain progress.

As for the family, we are thrilled with Chanel and her school performance. Chanel turns 13 in October – nearly a teenager. Her half-yearly report was full of plaudits from teachers, and a stream of A’s. We’ve let Chanel know that our expectations have increased for her school work now that she’s in high school and her response has been excellent. We’re delighted with how well she is going. She is making good choices in her studies. Her social choices are also improving, in spite of some challenging situations. Chanel has a mature head and we are proud of her.

Abbie is as delightful as ever. I don’t think we ever have a problem with Abbie. Abbie turns 10 the same day Chanel turns 13. She is the easiest child I’ve ever known. While she has a stubborn streak, it rarely surfaces. She is a willing helper, conscientious student, and simply a treasure.

Ella and Abbie share their room, and they share a love of reading. Their heads are always in books. But that’s about all they share. Ella is a literal typhoon. We always know Ella’s around because of her energy. She is either screaming her head off or laughing her head off. We live in a world of extremes around Miss Ella. Ella is known to disappear to any one of a handful of friends’ homes as soon as chores are divvied out. We spend a lot of time calling out “Ella” and wondering where she’s gone. Oh, and Ella has an appetite as big as mine. It’s amazing to watch this 8 year-old eat more food than anyone else at the table. We see unparalleled enthusiasm and energy in that girl.

Annie is potentially the happiest child we know. She loves to laugh and play. This afternoon Annie, who is five in August, went into the toy room for two hours on her own and played. She sang made-up nonsense songs to herself, played with toys and dolls, and amused herself the entire time and was as happy as can be. This morning I rang Nanna Bunt and let her listen in as I did “Round and round the garden” and “This little piggy” on Annie’s hands and feet. It was ten minutes of rapturous giggling from Annie as she finished my sentences and I feigned annoyance and told her that ‘now I have to start all over again.’ 

Lilli is a couple of months past two. She hates wearing clothes. It’s the middle of winter but all she wants to do is undress. She is entirely potty trained so long as she’s naked, but with clothes or a nappy the potty may as well not exist. Lilli lives in a relatively quiet world. She’s picking up words, but quite slowly. She is beautifully soft and loves cuddles. In fact, I’ve determined that there really is no cuddle as good as a cuddle from little kids. I love cuddles from Annie and Lilli more than any cuddles from anyone. There’s something so pure and perfect about cuddles from little children that is different to any other cuddle. So I’m getting as many as I can before they get too big.

Kylie continues to amaze me. Her workload is substantial with her Church calling, five children, the house, and ME! To keep this place clean, stay on top of the washing, serve so many people who are needy, and still be supportive of me is a ridiculous workload. When I try it for a night or two I struggle. I don’t know how Kylie does it day in and day out.

So that’s about it for now. Today we had a beautiful start to the day. Church was ok until priesthood, and then it was exceptional. We discussed a great talk about mercy by President Uchtdorf. Super lesson. This afternoon we had a house full of missionaries, investigators, and friends. We ate Kylie’s treats (melting moments and chocolate caramel slice). Our home teachers visited, and then we ate roast chicken and vegetables. So while I’m not quite where I want to be, we’re getting closer, slowly. And I still have plenty to be grateful for.